Winter Teen Conference Reflection

Winter Teen Conference 09

The days leading up to TC had been some of the most stressful of my life. Each day, I stayed up past midnight finishing homework. The week was also loaded with quizzes, tests and the AMC 10. On top of this, I would have school on Tuesday. Therefore, I planned to do some homework on the bus ride up.

This plan really didn’t work out. Eventually, I just blew off homework and talked with the other guys nearby about random topics from freshmen year difficulties to track. This year, the conversations were more interesting and extended. We arrived at TC in a surprisingly short amount of time.

Getting Loon cabin was one of the highlights of TC. Yes, it had four private rooms. Yes, each room had a private bathroom. Yes, there was a foosball table in the basement. However, what I loved most about Loon was the intimacy and privacy of the late night discussions with the other members of my small group. Being able to sleep next to each other (no homo) and discuss pretty much anything was a very unique experience this TC. After settling, we went back to Deer Run for the first “session.”

After kicking serious @$$ at foosball, we went back up to listen to Enoch’s classic announcement of rules and enjoy some worship.

Worship at TC was alright, but the drummer wasn't as epic as last year's drummer. Having another year of drumming experience since last TC probably developed my ability to judge how the skill level of the drummer. Sadly, the equipment she had did not allow her to leave a strong impression either. Despite the drummers simplistic playing, she blended well with the team and helped to enhance the feel of the music.

Of course, I did not come to TC as a musical critic; I came to enter the presence of God. Worship is one of the easiest ways to do so. Led by an adult, the songs were a bit slower paced and included less of those loud Christian anthems like “One Way” and “Now That You’re Near”. For that reason, worship felt more deep and intimate. A majority of the songs were new to me, but easy to catch on. My favorite lyrics would probably be in God With Us by MercyMe, where Bart Miller sings,

"Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay it at Your feet."

My only complaint of the team is the prepared repertoire of songs; the team often had to repeat the songs in the following worship sessions. Nevertheless, they still pulled off very good "performances".

The sessions were very deep, but, to me, they lacked the intensity of LYF retreat and previous years. This was primarily because I had been growing a lot with God recently. Some of the messages about giants, faith and accumulating sin had already made sense to me before the conference. The themes of the retreat were more encouragement and review than inspiration and revelation.

In retrospect, the first two messages seemed a bit shallow. They covered very elementary concepts: Relationship based on faith not sight and the snowball effect of sin.

Sunday morning’s message was about facing obstructions towards a full intimate relationship with God. Bill retold the classic story of David and Goliath. However, he looked deeper into the significance of having five stones rather than just one. He interpreted this number as a direct correlation with the number of giants involved, rather than an arbitrary choice of David. The additional four giants were pride, hypocrisy, gossip and a custom one, such as perfectionism, anger or sloth. His night message was about the importance the possible means of seeking God.

These two messages really stuck out to me. From about a month into school to New Years, I had been going through a lot of mood swings. Some days, such as the LYF retreat weekend, were times of euphoria and hope. Some days, I viewed my life as insignificant, purposeless and disposable. This was mainly because of the difficulty of learning material compared to that of freshmen year. Also, as a first year member of robotics and jazz band, I felt just like I had during freshmen year. Additionally, I didn’t have many close friends in my classes. Most were just acquaintances.

These mood swings happened largely because of my giants of perfectionism and guilt. All throughout, my life, I had set fairly high standards for achievement in and out of school. When I joined these new activities and enrolled in more difficult activities, I felt more pressured to work harder. I had also experienced lots of guilt from my work habits at Kumon (yes I’m that Asian). When it came to the harder problems, I often skipped them or just memorized the problem-solving process rather than critically thinking about it. I felt that I had taken the easy way out in graduating from Kumon.

This mix of perfectionism and guilt spread to almost all aspects of my life. I criticized everything I did, from playing drums and piano to doing homework to socializing. I viewed my advanced placement in classes as a complete fluke and a grossly inaccurate perception of my academic skill. Many of the social interactions I had with others felt awkward and strange.

The first month of winter track was a very depressing one. I had been doing cross country from the start of school in preparation for track. However, during the first week, I was even slower than some of my friends that sat on the couch during the pre-season. The coach also exerted a lot of pressure on me, telling some his varsity athletes that I would be a top-notch hurdler during winter. The first meet was a very discouraging one for me. In my eyes, I didn’t do well in my events and couldn’t three-step the hurdles. When my teammates told me I had ran an amazing leg for the 4x160, I felt myself whole-heartedly rejecting the compliment.

As time passed, God started to reveal himself to me. My mood swings occurred less and I started to accept who I was more. I regained my confidence in academics, track and other extra-curricular activities. I began to approach schoolwork with a better attitude: Instead of always feeling anxious and worried, I became more patient with myself when learning new things. God had restored my confidence. I also started opening up in my classes and developing friendships with upperclassmen.

Hearing the Sunday messages were very encouraging because I knew that God had been in control all along weakening these giants and making me more like him. Bill used very vivid and down-to-earth examples to illustrate his main points. As I said before, the messages themselves were more encouragement to continue to work hard at school and maintain my relationship with God.

Damon’s workshop on Tolerance and Intolerance was less helpful than I expected. It felt more like a play on the nuances of statements than a biblical approach of interaction with secular ideas. The most important thing I took out of was to tolerate people, not just their ideas.

Foosball was very fun as well. Andrew Chen and I won at least thirty games and lost only once. But as we beat more and more people, the inevitability of victory made the game feel monotonous and downright boring. I had become adept at passing, slant shooting and retaliation shooting. Playing offense became mentally exhausting after the first day.

Although the message was a very close second, the best part of TC was the starting of friendships with people from other churches and the development of friendships with those from CBCGL. The setup of Loon with the four private rooms and the passiveness of our counselor, Tim Lo, allowed for very deep and long discussions about a myriad of subjects, ranging from girls to communist propaganda to Christianity. Through these two to three hour long discussions, our small group really bonded and probably felt a lot more relaxed when it came to sharing during the formal small group time. Tim Lo also told us an engrossing and sobering story about why girls are evil on the last night.

The intentional meal mixers during the last three meals were also very nice because I got to know the freshmen from the other churches. In the past two years, I absolutely despised the meal-mixers. Whenever we didn’t have them, I would just sit with my friends. Because I was in a sense obliged to make relationships with older kids at school, I became a bit more extroverted and talkative at TC.

My accountability group with Andrew Chen, Tak Wong and Leeman Tran also strengthened. Andrew and I grew a lot closer from the late night discussions and foosball games. I wondered why we were unable to connect to each other for such a long time. On the last night, our accountability group had a good conversation about the events of TC. During church sharing, I noted how much all of the freshmen had grown spiritually. When we split into grades and genders to pray, I felt that there was a genuine and authentic connection with God. There wasn’t so much fluff about thanking God for bringing us to TC etc. We prayed deeply about maintaining our relationship with God and within our accountability group. We also touched upon Vincent and Leeman’s family lives.

Although this TC did not give me as much of a spiritual high as previous years, I felt that I had been able to be in God’s presence for those three days. I was able to fellowship with Christians from other churches and develop relationships within my own group of friends. This unification with people from other churches and the significance of the message made me melancholy that I wouldn’t be able to attend TC junior year. However, it filled me with an excitement for God and a passion to know him more.